sometimes..

sometimes i feel....
haiz..
nevermind nevermind...

i am feeling it, now.

[Intro - Spoken]
Yo, I can't sing it
I feel like singin'
I wanna fuckin' sing
Cuz I'm happy
Yeah, I'm happy
Ha Ha
I got my baby back
Yo, check it out
[Verse 1 - Sung]
Some days I sit, starin' out the window
Watchin' this world pass me by
Sometimes I think theres nothin' to live for
I almost break down and cry

Somtimes I think I'm crazy
I'm crazy, oh so crazy
Why am I here, am I just wasting my time?

But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes
[Chorus]
Somtimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
Cuz sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then she comes back to me
[Verse 2 - Sung]
My baby girl [Hailie laughs] keeps gettin' older
I watch her grow up with pride
People make jokes, cuz they don't understand me
They just don't see my real side

I act like shit don't phase me,
Inside it drives me crazy
My insecurities could eat me alive

But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes
[Chorus]
[Verse 3 - Rapped]
Man, if I could sing, I'd keep singing this song to my daughter
If I could hit the notes, I'd blow something as long as my father
To show her how I feel about her, how proud I am that I got her
God, I'm a daddy, I'm so glad that her mum didn't abort
Now you probly get this picture from my public persona
That I'm a pistol-packing drug-addict who bags on his momma,
But I wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest
Cuz there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside o' my soul,
And just know that I grow colder the older I grow
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world
And I think my neck is breaking should I just give up,
Or try to live up to these expectations?
Now look, I love my daughter more than life in itself,
But I got a wife that's determined to make my life livin'hell
But I handle it well, given the circumstances I'm dealt
So many chances, man, it's too bad, coulda had someone else
But the years that I've wasted are nothing to the tears that I've tasted
So here's what I'm facin':
3 felonies, 6 years of probation
I've went to jail for this woman, I've been to bat for this woman
I've taken bats to peoples backs, bent over backwards for this woman
Man, I shoulda seen it comin', why'd I stick my penis up in?
Woulda ripped the pre-nup up if I'd seen what she was fuckin'
But fuck it, it's over, there's no more reason to cry no more
I got my baby, baby the only lady that I adore, Hailie
So sayonara, try tomorra, nice to know ya
My baby's travelled back to the arms of her rightful owner
And suddenly it seems that my shoulder blades have just shifted
It's like the greatest gift you can get
The weight has been lifted

Now it don't feel like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
Cuz my baby know's that her daddy's a soldier
Nothin' can take her from me
[Outro - Spoken]
Woo!
I told you I can't sing.
Oh well, I tried
Hailie, 'member when I said
If you ever need anything, daddy will be right there?
Well guess what?
Daddy's here.
And I ain't goin'nowhere baby
I love you! (kiss)

instead of chasing the paper

Noone could feel how stressful i am lately.

Im not a show & tell kinda person, and i prefer to be quiet,

and stare blankly at the walls, but that doesnt mean my brain is dead.

my brain is always and constantly thinking.

but nothing is moving me.

haiz.

its been awhile since i let this chamber of secret rot.
things had not been so well this past few weeks.


for me and girlfriend, things just go horribly wrong.
some advice would be like 'go for it', 'believe in yourself',
but these advice are just words and still we're the one
that has to make the decision and feel the pain or burden.


if you find my post boring or find me an emo shit.
i dont care, because this is where i pen down my negative thoughts, and
i only share my positiveness on photographs. if this bores you, you're invited to leave this very blog.


As i was saying, things just go horribly wrong, and that affect us both so much.
I don't wish to disclose it here or anywhere till i am ready to tell, because, i don't find it
fun to tell people whats been going on around my life.


Stress.
Everyone faces different type of stress in their daily lives, be it form work, home or even just sleeping.
I taught myself 1 thing that is important in life, that is How To Handle Stress. You see, stress is never ending
if we avoided it. The more you run, the more you compound. I face stress and that makes me a better man.
But what i am not now is am i facing stress?


I don't feel anything that is relevant in the symptoms of stress, but what i am feeling now is lost and confuse.
Why is that when i have things to type out but i can't and dont bare to just pen it down?


haiz.
i will end here.

why is that part.forever

whenever i stepped in this goddamn house,

i will do a very nice routine for myself.

Go in the front door, head to kitchen to switch on light,

go room put all my stuffs down, grab my shirt and head for a nice cold bath.

in any occasion, if my routine is being delayed or stop.

i kill for this. 

i hate it whenever i came back home, SOMEBODY gota use the toilet.

when im not at home, why dont wana use. must make me a timeline to use the toilet before YOU go home?

ouh this is a classic. its hard for me to fall asleep at night, when i do, i will eventually accidentally be awoke at

let say 3am-ish. and by 6am i gota wake up for work etc. and you know what, at 5am/6am, theres always people come to my room and switch on the light.... to use what? to iron their fucking clothes!!

USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN DIMWIT!!

IM SLEEPING AND THERE YOU SHITS ARE IRONING YOUR CLOTHES?

IN MY ROOM?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK? YOU IDIOTS HAVE NO ROOM?

AND PLEASE DONT UNPLUG THE FAN SWITCH JUST FOR THE SAKE OF IRONING.

NEVER HEARD OF DOUBLE PLUGS BEFORE? FARTARD!!!!

AND THIS MORNING, I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF THE TOILET'S LIGHT HAS BLOW,

THERES ALWAYS CANDLES TO LIGHT UP THE TOILET. AND BY TAKING THE SHAMPOO FROM THE TOILET AND BRINGIN IT TO THE OTHER TOILET, THAT CAUSES ME INCONVENIENCE!!!! 

FUCKING INCONSIDERATE SHITHEADSS!!

ARGHHHH!!!

IM SO FUCKING MINDING MY BUSINESS.

GO FUCK YOUR OWN MONEY SHITHEADSS!!

WHY DONT I TRY IRON MY SHIRT IN YOUR ROOM WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING....

FUCKING NINABEI LIMPEH FUCK LAH!!

NO, IM NOT BEING A PUSHOVER OR WHATEVER.

PLEASE USE YOUR BRAIN. GOT YOUR OWN ROOM? USE YOURS.

unwind

maybe its just me? 

fall sick yesterday and out of action from my scissors and paintbrush.

am i giving too much for work or i am stupid to work smart?

for what its worth, i find the job a definite thumbs up 'cept i hate some lady there.

so far i'm doing fine if you wana know.

just i need to juggle and use alot of my brain juice for every weeks.

i need to plan what to be put at the playroom for their manipulative activities,

sensorial, art&crafts etc....

yes it might sound easy, very easy to some of you. 

but mind you, kids are very playful and they wont refrain to destroy to get what they want...

so all my crafts/design must be fool-proof.

i need to come up another plan for my drapes....

 ------------------------------------------------------

usual knockoff time will be at 5pm, 

or when i feel like it at 530pm.

working at town seriously not a thing to be envy about.

whats more working at the end of town, Tanglin Rd.

Its quite a hassle to find local food, and seriously, besides some tasteless

and fuck up local food, there are always fast food rite?

beat it. can't expect to eat fast food for the whole month/year of working there right?

this is the only problem that i am facing now.

if eating a local dish cost above $5/+ and the taste is somewhat shitty.

i rather spend my $10 on Mcdonald's . . . . . . .

Heard the Tanglin Mall Kopitiam has reopen...

shall see how it goes.

If not i'm eating bread and air for lunch or worst, dinner as well.

i need sometime to unwind myself after a day's work.

don't ask me how, i don't know myself too.

tired.

why is that...?
we told ourselves not to get influence in others' words,
we told ourselves we would not fall to others' words,
we told ourselves we have a mind of our own....


but some things change and the fact are due to the influence,
but we couldnt admit.




why is that??
why aren't there anymore passion..?
or am i just cold to see ?